Filled with joy, the heart in celebration, the heart in joy, all cradled in the tranquility of equanimity. Nothing is too strong, not even too happy, the sweetness is there, calming our hearts and letting respect, gratitude, beauty blossom, a beauty straight out of the heart of Dhamma.
Each gate, each building, each stone lets us see that over the years, for 2500 years, it is the Dhamma that has prevailed here and that hearts remember it.
This is the heart of Myanmar, the heart of the Dhamma, the heart of the Buddha that beats in each of us, here.
In the movie "Pilgrimage to the sacred Land", Goenkaji tells us that it is here in Sagaing Hill(s) that the purity of the Buddha's practice has been kept for generations and generations.
It is here, that it seems to me to live a dream, out of time, where every moment has its importance, where every beat is unique, where every life shines. Here and now being fully present.
What is the difference between the life of a nun and a lay person?
In December 2016, I was experimenting with being a Buddhist nun and my husband a Buddhist monk. The experience was brief as it lasted only 5 days (usually temporary ordinations last a minimum of a week). What I remember of this experience is that it was brief, but intense and full of contradictory emotions. For example, a great feeling of renunciation and at the same time a sadness at having to renounce what I had to renounce; my husband, my hair, my clothes and my so-called freedom.
At the same time, one can say that I felt the rapture (Piti in Pali) and something, if one can say, that was beyond me, something that for two days made me cry, without even knowing the reasons.
Taking the vows
In October 2019, my husband and I decide to be ordained a second time. We are going on a quest for Truth and Liberation. Our daily practice of Vipassana meditation (according to the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin as taught by S.N.Goenka) carrying us through this second attempt.
When we take the vows, we do not set any time or duration for our ordination. This time, the feelings we had the first time were not present.
My husband was ordained first as a novice and then 2 days later as a monk. As for me, the next day I was ordained as a nun. There is no (or almost no) possibility in the Theravada tradition for a woman to be ordained a second time because a nun must be ordained by a Bikkhuni and the lineage of Bikkhunis has been interrupted since the time of the Buddha.
Solitude is the counterpart of these first days.
My husband and I are ordained in the same monastery in Sagaing Hill(s), a town in Myanmar where pagodas and stupas crisscross the mountains as far as the eye can see and where the vast majority of the population are monks and nuns.
At the beginning, we meet once or twice a day to meditate for an hour or two in a magnificent meditation hall where the golden Buddhas and the paintings representing the life of the Buddhas are more beautiful than the others. It is like entering a divine dimension... Then, little by little we space out the meetings to meditate and then we start to meditate alone each one on our side. It is necessary to know that the monastery where we are is a monastery dedicated to the theory of the Buddha's teaching (Parriyati) and that we, we prioritize mainly Pattipati, that is to say the practice of the teachings of the Buddhas by meditation.
This time, therefore, we use it mainly for meditation, but also for the study of the Buddha's texts, of Pali (the language spoken by the Buddha).
Eating to nourish your body
Food is also a gradual adaptation, the bulk of our meals are rice, black or white beans, some vegetables, with some variations of fritters, Asian noodles and some fruit. Occasionally a dessert resembling a Western dessert will pop up, such as a cake or wafers, the key being not to develop a craving for this new, yet familiar, arrival. Meals are therefore becoming lighter and more frugal, it is hard to have much greed for rice and a few beans, when we come from the countries of cheese, bread, various cakes and other gustatory pleasures we are used to.
Eating only to nourish the body should therefore, under these conditions, be quite easy.
A learning process
To be face to face with oneself, entirely, is it a luxury... in any case the calmness inhabits me and also the fact of taking the time to do things, never at this point I have felt that. Why do I have to hurry since I have no obligation and there is no hurry to be done.
But then one of my enemies comes to meet me. A kind of laziness that from time to time comes to visit me to take me "out of the right path". I decide to face it with strength for the next few days. So I alternate sitting meditation sessions with times of study, walking, cleaning, in order not to succumb to the temptation of torpor.
I have only myself as a teacher, no more teachers, no more social duties.
Yes, I have a preceptor (the one who orders you), a very erudite monk who teaches the Abhidhamma and whose diction in English is breathtakingly clear, but he leaves us free so that we can devote ourselves essentially to meditation.
It is gratitude that fills my heart at this priceless opportunity with priceless conditions. In the monastery where we are we do not need to give alms, a team is available to prepare Burmese food every day. Each meal is a gift from the laity, breakfast at 5:30 in the morning and dinner at 10:30 for the monks, as for me I have taken the habit to come 30 minutes after the monks. Here generosity is part of the Burmese and Buddhist culture. Today during the meal a little girl even offered me a bath towel.
The habit
Another important fact about being a monk or a nun is the habit that we wear, with humility, all the same. This is to erase individuality, the greed for beautiful clothes, the ego. We are renouncers, just like the Buddha in his time 2500 years ago. He, as a Prince who renounced his castle, his wealth, his privileges, his wife and his son...we are daughters and sons of the Buddha and we follow his path. The hair is shaved to reduce the assets of seduction to the maximum. The monk and the nun being above all a benevolent brother and a benevolent sister.
During my first ordination, I had a little difficulty with the wearing of the dress, it fell down, I found that it gave me heat...this time, having taken my time for the ordination, I was able to ask a young girl to sew fabrics on the skirt to make like a belt, then no more possibility to this last one to fall. And then I became familiar with wearing this dress, and today I don't feel embarrassed. Yes, the different clothes layered on top of each other can maybe make it a little warmer, but I don't even feel that much for this time. Maybe just acceptance and equanimity, or maybe the air conditioning in my room helps a lot.
It's 1pm, I decide to take a break to go meditate...and I'll see you later.
The journey
From time to time, and more and more frequently, I decide to turn off the air conditioning (AC) to get used to the heat, when 29 degrees Celsius are there then I turn the AC back on.
I drink tea or coffee, or eat jagiri (unprocessed sugar) from time to time during the day, I wish I could stop but the deprivation of food or rather reduction (two meals a day with non chosen food), makes that for the moment I will keep these substitutes.
The whole thing is to train the mind, a bit like a sportsman who would train for a marathon. Our goal is to free ourselves from all suffering, to be able to face any situation, illness, death, hunger, cold, heat... and not to suffer from it. Of course we should not exaggerate, if we live in a cold country it is correct to cover the head, the feet, and to cover the body. The Buddha teaches us the middle way, not to go to extremes, but at the same time not to live too much in desire, greed, or even aversion to what we do not like. All this is also part of the training that will lead us to our goal, not to suffer any more whatever the external situation, whatever the mental disposition, to face it, to cross the wave without succumbing to it, it is possible and we are on that path.
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